Today I end. And I begin.

I closed my eyes and I saw him.

He stood there looking at his classmates laughing at him, his vision blurred by the tears in his eyes. He was angry and ashamed of himself for not knowing the trivia of how to be. How to mingle with people, how to make friends. Ashamed of the that he was afraid of every damn thing in the world.

The air was cold and even though I was fully dressed I could still feel the cold creeping inside my skin, slowly, like a blob of ink spreading through a piece of parchment. Probably, it was not the cold in the wind that was chilling my bones but the realization of the vast nothingness that lay below the protruding piece of rock I was standing on.

I suddenly realized that my legs were shaking. Just like it shook for the boy, whenever it was required for him to show even the tiniest bit of courage. Just like the time when he saw his father lying head down on the steering wheel of the wrecked car with smashed windscreen. He should done something, he should have called someone, but there he sat, frozen and shivering in fear.

I took a step forwards towards the edge. Just one more and then I’ll be free. Free of the fear, free of the remorse. Free of the shivering and sweating skin of mine, for however hard I had tried my fear had never left me. It has only amplified with each of my failures.

There was no point living like this. No point at all.

I could see the river below, far below. I seemed serene. I knew if I did not do it know, I will never be able to do it.

It took one moment of insane courage and I do not know from where I go it.

I opened my arms and fell. Fell face down towards freedom.Today I end. And I begin.

.

 

It was not until the altimeter had started to beep angrily that I broke free of the trance and finally pulled the chord.

 

 

 

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